Jokes - Revision history

Eric Rasmusen: /* Explosion in a Cheese Factory */

2026-01-31T19:03:28Z

‎Explosion in a Cheese Factory

Eric Rasmusen: /* Transubstantiation */

2026-01-31T17:47:14Z

‎Transubstantiation

Eric Rasmusen: /* Transubstantiation */

2026-01-31T00:53:36Z

‎Transubstantiation

Eric Rasmusen: /* Norwegian Jokes */

2026-01-31T00:51:49Z

‎Norwegian Jokes

Eric Rasmusen: /* Norwegian Jokes */

2026-01-31T00:48:11Z

‎Norwegian Jokes

Eric Rasmusen: /* Can a triangle fly? */

2026-01-31T00:44:44Z

‎Can a triangle fly?

Eric Rasmusen: /* The Nelson Monument= */

2026-01-31T00:44:06Z

‎The Nelson Monument=

Eric Rasmusen: /* Why is 69 so scared of 70? */

2026-01-31T00:42:48Z

‎Why is 69 so scared of 70?

Eric Rasmusen: /* Grad Students without Original Thoughts */

2025-12-05T18:37:38Z

‎Grad Students without Original Thoughts

Eric Rasmusen: /* Religion Jokes */

2025-11-21T21:42:31Z

‎Religion Jokes

@@ Line 364: / Line 364: @@
 ==Explosion in a Cheese Factory==
 Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory? There was nothing left but debris.
   anybody.
@@ Line 372: / Line 371: @@
 Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
-−
 ==Eggs Benedict on a Hubcap==
 Why  should you eat eggs benedict on a hubcap for Christmas dinner? <br>

@@ Line 328: / Line 328: @@
 Q. Can you play the violin?<p>
 A. I don't know.  I've never tried.
 ==Should I give him a book?==

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:53, 31 January 2026
Line 239:		Line 239:


−
−	~~==Transubstantiation==~~
−	~~Question: What do you call it when the NCAAA has to decide whether a certain athlete is a man or a woman?~~
−	~~<br>~~
−	~~Answer: Trans-Substantiation.~~
−	~~<br>~~
−	~~Even better answer: Con-Substantiation.~~
−	~~<br>hat tip: Pastor TB~~

	==Daddy Will You Buy Me a Drum?==		==Daddy Will You Buy Me a Drum?==

@@ Line 204: / Line 204: @@
 :Monitor: Keepin an eye on da wood
 :Download: Getting da wood off da truck
-Megahertz: Ven yer not careful getting da firewood
+:Megahertz: Ven yer not careful getting da firewood
-Floppy Disk: Vat yew get from trying tew carry tew much wood
+:Floppy Disk: Vat yew get from trying ta carry tew much wood
-Ram: Dat ting dat splits da wood
+:Ram: Dat ting dat splits da wood
-Hard Drive: Getting home in da winter time in the snow
+:Hard Drive: Getting home in da winter time in da snow
-Prompt: Vat da mail ain't in da winter time
+:Prompt: Vat da mail ain't in da winter time
-Windows: Vat yew shut when it's cold outside
+:Windows: Vat yew shut when it's cold outside
-Screen: Vat yew shut vens it's black fly season	Byte: Vat dem dang black flies do
+:Screen: Vat yew shut vens it's black fly season
-Chip: Munchies fer da TV
+:Byte: Vat dem dang black flies do
-Microchip:Vats in da bottom of da munchies bag
+:Chip: Munchies fer da TV
-Modem: Vat yew did tew da hay fields
+:Microchip: Vats in da bottom of da munchies bag
-Keyboard: Where yew hang da keys
+:Modem: Vat yew did tew da hay fields
-Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knives
+:Keyboard: Where yew hang yer keys
-Mouse: Vat eats da grain in da barn
+:Software: Dose plastic forks and knives dat break all the time
-Mainframe: Holds up da barn roof
+:Mouse: Vat eats da crumbs in yer kitchen
-Port: Fancy wine
+:Mainframe: Holds up da barn roof
-Random Access Memory: Ven yew can't remember vat yew paid fer da rifle, ven yer wife asks.
+:Port: Fancy wine
 *The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

@@ Line 184: / Line 184: @@
 :When he’s talking to you, he looks at *your* shoes.
+Mostly from https://www.llund.com/yokes.htm:
 *Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Wisconsin.  Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
@@ Line 196: / Line 195: @@
 He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?
 Old Man - That's the name of the owner.
-Young Man - Who's the owner?
+:Young Man - Who's the owner?
-Old Man - I am.
+:Old Man - I am.
-Young Man - How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen?
+:Young Man - How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen?
-Old Man - Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was standing in line at Immigration. A man in front of me was a big blond Norwegian. The lady from Immigration asked him, What is your name? He say "Hans Olaffsen". Lady ask me, What is your name? I say Sam Ting.
+:Old Man - When I came to this country, I was standing in line at Immigration.  The man in front of me was a big blond Norwegian. The lady from Immigration asked him, What is your name? He say "Hans Olaffsen". Lady ask me, What is your name? I say Sam Ting.
 *Log On: Making da wood stove hotter
-Log Off: Don't add no more wood
+:Log Off: Don't add no more wood
-Monitor: Keepin an eye on da wood
+:Monitor: Keepin an eye on da wood
-Download: Getting da wood off da truck
+:Download: Getting da wood off da truck
 Megahertz: Ven yer not careful getting da firewood
 Floppy Disk: Vat yew get from trying tew carry tew much wood

@@ Line 117: / Line 117: @@
 ===Can a triangle fly?===
-Riddle: Can a triangle fly? Yes, it's past the line and on a plane.
+Riddle: Can a triangle fly? Yes, it's on a plane.
 ===Your Shoes Are Dirty===

@@ Line 99: / Line 99: @@
 </pre>
 ----
-===The Nelson Monument====
+===The Nelson Monument===
 Lord Nelson was 5ft 6in.

@@ Line 62: / Line 62: @@
 Because 7 8 9.
 ===The  German square root of 81===
 I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81. He said no.

@@ Line 546: / Line 546: @@
 President Lincoln one evening   at the White House  was asked "How does it feel to be President of the United States?" "You have heard," said Lincoln, "about the man tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail? A man in the crowd asked him how he liked it, and his reply was, 'If it wasn't for the honor of the thing, I would rather walk.'" I need to find a good source.
-==Grad Students without Original Thoughts==
+==Academic Jokes==
 I'm  really depressed. I just went to my   Department Chairman and said, "I'm depressed.  You know my PhD student, Sam Jones? He just told me my seminar presentation was the worst he'd ever heard".   The Chairman's reply:   "Don't worry about Jones, he doesn't have an original thought in his head, and I very much fear he'll never come up with a dissertation topic. He just repeats what he hears all the other people in the department  saying."

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:42, 21 November 2025
Line 177:		Line 177:

	A Hasidic rabbi was asked to eulogize Herzl. After thinking about it, he came up with three virtues: Herzl never spoke when putting on tefillin, he never thought about the Law in dirty places, and he never studied Torah on Nittel.		A Hasidic rabbi was asked to eulogize Herzl. After thinking about it, he came up with three virtues: Herzl never spoke when putting on tefillin, he never thought about the Law in dirty places, and he never studied Torah on Nittel.
		+
		+	==Riddles==
		+	*What do you get when you cross two roosters?<br>
		+	Two cross roosters.

	==Ethnic Jokes==		==Ethnic Jokes==