2. The Washington Post, a newspaper that is well-funded enough to have fact checkers, unlike Internet rags like the Unz Review that have to rely on providing their readers with links to an article's fact sources.

3. Antifa. Handy if you don't have your friend's home address with you and you need to look it up.

4. Pepper spray. Me and the girls had a fun practice session. Warning: do not try tasting pepper spray, even if you like spicy food.

5. The American Association of University Professor. Where would we be without the AAUP to protect academic freedom?

6. Tenure. Tenure is important, because without it the Dean would be able to punish a professor for political differences.

7. The Internet. Unlike 30 years ago, it's easy to check whether you've stated a fact correctly, plus you can even provide a link so people can check whether you're lying.

8. Cancel Culture. Believe it or not, in the old days, people had to worry that when they bought toothpaste, the toothpaste company might be employing someone who voted Republican. Not now!

9. Marijuana. Without it, how would journalists come up with stuff to write about?

10. University staff, non-tenure-track-faculty, and assistant professors. These dedicated employees play a crucial role in universities, providing needed depth in the list of signatories to statements in support of the Dean when he attacks a professor.