Weird things about England

As an American, I can say with confidence that England is an idiosyncratic character. In short, England is weird. Here are some samples.

An artist called Mark McGowan is attempting to cartwheel from Brighton to Londonto protest people taking stones from beaches. 

Two years ago Mr McGowan pushed a monkey nut for seven miles to Downing Street with his nose. 

Here is a list of oddities:

1.) The day is really short. Sunset is at 4:30 pm.

3.) Their spellings are different. Well, I suppose English is a wacky enough language that that doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. Fun Fact: Apparently, when English was standardized and dictionaries compiled for the first time, the English wanted to spell things in French and Latin ways. So “det” became “debt” because the Latin equivalent is “debitum.” {By the way,  I approve of spelling “gray” as “grey.” It conveys a greyer mood.}

4.) Musical vocab. is different. They call quarter notes “crotchets.” They call 64th notes “hemidemisemiquavers.” I am dead serious. Instead of simply dividing a bar into fractions to name notes, they form elaborate names including multiple levels of “hemi”s “demi”s “lemi”s “temi”s “clemi”s etc. etc. etc. (I suppose they are rubbish at math.)

5.) Automobiles have right of way. At a road, pedestrians are expected to wait on the cars rather than vice versa as it is the States. Obviously, the US has got it wrong. After all, we don’t want pedestrians to run over the cars, squashing them by accident. Wait a minute. . . . why does this seem illogical? Maybe because cars are tough, speedy machines made of aluminum and steel while pedestrians are soft, slow, defenseless organisms? Possibly?

6.) Social class and levels of wealth are much more significant here.

7.) Bathroom odor is uniform throughout the UK. Absolutely identical. The smell of, let’s say, the church bathrooms is exactly the same as those at the bank. And, I promise you, they don’t all use the same air freshener. As a matter of fact, they don’t use air fresheners at all. So how can this be?

8.) The English  use words omitted entirely from American vocabulary. Stereotypical example: the loos.

9.) Certain gestures we consider harmless are considered rude here.

10.) Everything is expensive.

11.) The sidewalk is called the pavement. Buses are called coaches. Sleds are called sledges.

12.) The British take great pride in doing things differently than the rest of the world, even if their way is inefficient and illogical.

       Of course, I could go on for ages, but I think I ought to end the list here at the significant number of 12. Why do people always end lists at multiples of 5 or 10? Oh no! It can’t be true! But it is. . . .

The OCD have begun to slowly take over the earth!

I could go back and erase 3 points in order to follow OCD regulation. . . . . but I will not sell my independence for safety! Let the dangerously Obsessive and Compulsive people come! I am not afraid of death.

        In case the OCD shadowpolice come to arrest me quietly in the night and lead me to a deep, dank dungeon without a computer or internet access, I leave you this last message: Watch out! Those lights you see in the sky at night aren’t what you think they are. . . . .

Farewell, farewell. Perhaps forever, farewell.