Agent Deadly Cobra reporting.
Ran on The Track today. Was enlightening. It particularly enlightened me of my lack of fitness. (Do not worry; this excerpt has little effect on the mission. It’s just an FYI(For Your Information). Oh; and not classified information. I’m just adding in a jocular little personal detail to start this report off in a lighthearted manner. . . . It is sad that we have reached the point where I must explain things like this.)
Was admitted to the next round of a poetry read-aloud competition. Am disappointed. Was hoping for failure. Obviously, not all wishes come true.
Have noticed a suspiciously high number of panini shops around Oxford. And middle aged men with big mustaches and tweed suits. The other day, I was walking by the Cherwell River and observed the local fauna. There were some geese, some ducks, some fish, and a hooligan on the opposite bank. The hooligan was staring into the water, his expression unfathomable as his purpose in life. Keep seeing highly attractive males, age 18-87. What is the cause of this peculiar trend in the population?
There is a certain creepiness in the way I see random strangers again and again in different places. And I am not stalking them. Perhaps I am being stalked. Good thing I’m a black belt and carry concealed weapons at all times.
In this intellectual town, I am finding myself afflicted with a peculiar desire to write poetry. This is unusual in a haunted, jaded personality like me. It must be something in the air. Maybe heroin fumes.
Have also discovered a fondness for Bach. All my life, I have hated Bach. This change may mark severe psychological evolution. Perhaps for the worse. Send me poison by airmail just in case I find myself metamorphosing into a Mr. Hyde and discover the need to end my life for the Greater Good.
I suggest visiting Oxford if you like the scent of flowers and newly cut grass. Of course, you probably don’t have time for those sort of frivolous things. But you may like the cultural and linguistic exposure.
The British accent is now so familiar that an American one sounds strange to my ear.
Lunched with nerdy professor types the other day. Found Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park floating on the surface of my mind. Wrote up mental character sketches of each person present. Each personality was strong and completely different from the rest. I’ll send the names by telegram. You may consider an investigation of the one with the glasses.
Spring Break does not exist here. Ergo, am working through the holidays.
However, do not let this lead you to expect the mission to be finished in a shorter time. It requires my full attention as is, and cannot be rushed.
Signing off.
Fare thee well.